How to Build Self-Esteem and Self-Confidence

Self-esteem refers to a lasting sense of being a person of value. It comes from the way we see ourselves. Closely linked to self-esteem, self-image represents the positive or negative perception we have of ourselves.

Self-confidence

According to psychosociologist Christophe Médici, self-confidence is the feeling of “believing in one’s abilities and skills, and being convinced that one can achieve one’s goals.” The root of the word confidence comes from the Latin fiderer, meaning “to trust,” and fidelis, meaning “faithful.” Having self-confidence therefore means trusting yourself.

What is the most important value?

The most fundamental value is very simple: being human. It is based on the right to life and self-respect. Although external circumstances can sometimes cause our sense of personal value to fluctuate, it is possible to cultivate self-confidence by developing certain pillars.

According to Christophe Médici, the five pillars of self-confidence are:

1. inner security;
2. asserting one’s needs;
3. practicing skills;
4. achieving goals;
5. healthy recognition of others.

By giving value to our own perspective, both broad and realistic, we can move from self-esteem toward self-acceptance.

Attitudes that support self-esteem

This path toward acceptance involves practical attitudes that help nurture self-esteem and support that of others.

Accepting the right to make mistakes

Behind every mistake lies a lesson. As a popular saying goes, “Life is such a good teacher that if you don’t learn the lesson, it repeats it.”

Accepting that we are neither inferior nor superior to others

We are all equal in our shared humanity.

Accepting to receive or give a compliment

Receiving a compliment or kind word is good for us, as is recognizing these qualities in others.

Accepting what we have

By focusing on what we have rather than what we don’t, we can experience gratitude. Sometimes, certain things seem ordinary or taken for granted in our lives, and we forget that they are essential or useful elements, such as having a roof over our head or access to clean drinking water by simply turning on a tap.

Accepting to see the positive side of things

By focusing on what we have rather than what we don’t, we can experience gratitude. Sometimes, certain things seem ordinary or taken for granted in our lives, and we forget that they are essential or useful elements, such as having a roof over our head or access to clean drinking water by simply turning on a tap.

Accepting to express yourself

Our opinion has just as much value as anyone else’s. Expressing what we think, feel, or perceive allows us not to keep impressions inside ourselves, thanks to language. Indeed, “what is not expressed is impressed” in our body or unconscious (Jacques Salomé, psychologist).

Accepting yourself without judgment

The essence of acceptance lies in welcoming yourself as you are, in the present moment, with what you are, what you have, what you do, your strengths and challenges, your resources, and your environment. It is, in a way, a return to yourself, like coming home, without evaluating yourself or others.

Contributions from neuroscience

Neuroscience helps us better understand how to cultivate self-esteem and self-confidence. About one third of our talents come from our genetic makeup, while the remaining two thirds can be developed over time.

Neuropsychologist Rick Hanson speaks of experience-dependent neuroplasticity: repeated perceptions, thoughts, and feelings shape the brain. Our experiences can therefore create new signals within the network of connections between brain neurons. For example, regular relaxation practice can reduce stress reactions and increase a sense of resilience.

White brain and black brain

Christophe Médici describes the brain as a system of settings. In “white brain” mode, associated with confidence, functioning is more receptive. In “black brain” mode, linked to mistrust, it becomes more reactive.

Humans naturally have a negativity bias inherited from survival mechanisms. As a result, we tend to overestimate threats and underestimate our resources.

Soaking in what is good

To become more attentive to the positive, Rick Hanson suggests a practice designed to “make the mind flourish.”

In three steps

1. Activate: identify a positive experience or pleasant sensation and bring your attention to it. This experience can be from the past or present, or you can create a brand-new pleasant moment, an opportunity for well-being.
2. Enrich: stay with the pleasant sensation and explore it. Truly savour the experience and help it last for 10 to 20 seconds.
3. Absorb: feel the experience as it settles within you, as if it were becoming an inner resource or even a part of you.

This practice can be repeated five to six times a day, for 12 to 30 seconds each time.

Toward pride in being yourself

By creating more positive experiences, we influence our mood, our talents, and certain structures of our brain. A multitude of small positive experiences can therefore lead us toward lasting well-being and pride in being ourselves.

Would you like support to improve your psychological well-being or strengthen your self-confidence? Book an appointment in psychoeducation for guidance tailored to your needs.